Ep #12: Embracing What Works For YOU

Hey, this is Lindsay Dotzlaf and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills, episode 12.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Oh hey, friends. How are you today? I will be honest, I’ve been a little bit under the weather. So, I’ve been better. But I have to say, part of it is I have actually been under the weather. And part of it is the actual weather.

So, I live in Indiana. And in case you don’t know where that is or you’re not totally familiar with the United States, Indiana is kind of right in the middle of the US. And as my daughter loves to say, “In the middle and up and to the right.”

So, right now, it is winter. It’s the middle of the winter. It is freezing. It has been so cold lately with a side of just daily gray skies. And it’s just been a little blah. And sometimes, I think that makes me a little blah.

But I’m so excited to be here with you today, and this has actually inspired a bit of exactly what I want to talk to you about. So, be warned, this may be a little ranty. Although I say ranty, but maybe that’s the wrong word because I don’t often get really super-worked up. But what I mean by that is I do feel very passionately about what I’m going to talk to you about today.

So, if you have listened to the two interviews that I’ve done, one thing I talked about with both Brig and Sheri is how, in my mastermind, in Coaching Masters, I focus a lot of energy on helping coaches really show up authentically in their coaching and in their business.

And this podcast is going to be just about that specifically, how you can be more you all the time. Of course, in my mastermind, I focus on it mostly from the aspect of in your coaching. But really, this applies to all pieces of your business and how you kind of do everything as an entrepreneur.

So, one thing I see a lot is I just watch so many coaches spend time trying to be less them and use less of the things that make themselves special and be more like someone else. Don’t do that.

If you’re doing it – and it may show up in just the tiniest of ways. But just don’t do it. Knock it off. End that nonsense. And this shows up in so many more ways than just how you coach. It shows up in every aspect of your business and how you operate on the day to day.

So, I’m going to give you examples today and I’m going to use mostly my own examples. But I just want you to kind of take inventory for yourself and see if you have kind of skipped over thinking about any of these things or if there are areas where you could maybe make a few tweaks, and maybe you’ll even come up with some that I missed, but I’m just going to give you some examples of things that I have worked on, on my own, and that I’ve just learned over the five years of building my business.

As usual, remember, anything I teach you on this podcast, anything I teach you that is work that you can do on yourself, it also is super-useful in working with your clients. So, even if you listen today and you’re like, “Yeah, I feel like I’m pretty good in all these areas,” I want you to really think about it also for your clients. At the very end of the episode, I’m going to give you some very specific questions that you can ask yourself and the beauty of it is that the questions are perfect for questions that you can use when you’re in session with your clients.

Alright, so, here we go. One area that I’ve done a lot of work on over the last year, on myself, is scheduling. I used to fight against every natural inclination that I have when it comes to scheduling. I really thought that in order to be great at this whole entrepreneur thing, I definitely had to – I’m sure some of you can relate to this – I definitely had to get up at 5am, do two hours of meditation, working out, journaling, et cetera, all the things before the sun came up, and then be ready to sit down at my desk the minute the kids left for school.

And I tried that for a while. And I can do it. it’s not awful. But I would resist it almost every day and it just really wasn’t working for me. It wasn’t something that I looked forward to. And I know some of you right now are like, “Wait, but no, that is the best way.” Perfect. You do you if that’s the best way for you. Keep going.

But if it’s not or if you have this idea that to be the perfect entrepreneur this is how you have to operate, this message is for you. Because it turns out this is not true. Because now, when I’m making more money than I ever have and I’m having more success in my business than I ever have, I’m actually not usually showered and ready until around 10am. What? Send the authorities.

So, I do get up around 6-6:30, but that’s only because that’s what time the kids get up and start getting ready for school. So, I get up right around the same time they do and then I, in my robe, in my pajamas, I hang out with them. We eat breakfast. We chat. And then my husband takes them to school. What? For some of you, you might need to hear this. Did you know that your spouse can take your kids to school?

Some of you, I know you’ve got this down. I’m not saying they should. I just want you to know that it is an option, and it’s the option that works best at our house.

So, he leaves, he takes them to school. Actually, only one of them is going to school in person right now, so the other one is here and I actually kind of help her get started and set up for the day. Then, from about eight to 10, I listen to podcasts. Sometimes I go for a walk when it’s not awful outside.

Sometimes, I return emails or catch up on messages while laying on the couch, maybe while stretching. And I kind of use that time to do whatever I want to do. And then I get ready for the day. And then – and this is the most important thing probably that I learned this year about mu schedule – I have learned, I’ve noticed that from about 10am to noon is when I have the most creative energy. It’s when I feel really great about writing copy. It seems to kind of flow out of me a lot more.

And I used to give all of this time away. All of it. I would schedule all of my client calls during that time when I had lots of one-on-one clients. I would return emails. I would respond to people, to messages. I would do consults. I would maybe be in my mastermind Facebook group or just on social media. And I would spend all of that time interacting with other people.

That’s not necessarily bad. But what would happen is, when I used my best hours of the day to do those things, which I could really do any part of the day, then the afternoon would come and I would look at my schedule and it would say, “Write emails,” or basically creating content. And my brain would feel fried.

It would take me probably twice or even three or four times the amount of energy than it did if I did it from that around 10 to 12 block. So, really, what I was doing was just wasting so much energy. I was spending so much of my day fighting against my body’s natural tendencies.

Now, partially, thanks to the amazing Lauren Cash, who is a coach for being an effective entrepreneur – shoutout to Lauren. I worked with her for a few months in 2020 – I really have learned to work with how I like to schedule things and I really schedule everything around what I prefer to do at different times of day.

So, I’m not saying you should do it my way. I’m not saying that that’s the best way. What I am saying is figure out what works for you. Maybe you love to clump work together and use certain days for specific things. I know that some people do this. So, like a whole day, maybe on Mondays, all day they write content. Maybe Tuesday and Wednesday all day they coach clients, et cetera. Whatever the other tasks are, they clump them together and work on one thing for a whole day. I tried that. It wasn’t really my thing.

Maybe you love to get up at 4am and go to bed at eight. Perfect. Do it. Maybe you have a newborn at home and you love writing emails or content on your phone while you’re breastfeeding. Perfect. Whatever it is, do it. There is not one perfect way to do business, no matter what anyone tells you.

Now, of course, there are times that everything doesn’t fit into my perfect ideal schedule, particularly if I’m scheduling around someone else or if I have a big project that I need to knock out and so I’m working a little bit earlier or a little bit later. But for the most part, everything just flows so much more naturally now.

So, what might that look like for you? How can you make a few small tweaks to get closer to your ideal day or your ideal week? The next thing, one of the second things that I have worked on, which kind of goes right along the same lines is I just really started to notice that there are certain times of the year that I just have a little less energy.

And this is something I used to fight against so hard, so hard, literally when I would feel tired, I would really be hard on myself. I would pressure myself to get more done. And my thoughts about, literally, my thoughts about feeling tired are something I’ve had to do a lot of work on.

But when I really just allowed myself to notice that I just have a little less energy in the winter and be okay with it, it was a total game-changer. So, for example, in the winter, because it just isn’t super-sunny our, it isn’t light outside, the days are shorter, it gets dark super-early, I just give myself a little more downtime and I don’t make it a problem.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t get things done or that I schedule less things. I just schedule time in where maybe I return messages laying in my bed. Maybe I return messages laying on the couch.

Actually, last week my husband came downstairs in the afternoon to pick up – he was leaving to pick up our daughter because, yes, he’s amazing and he does that also, but probably about half of the time. And I was laying on the couch responding to messages. And he came down the stairs and he said, “Oh, I thought you had to work.”

And I said, “I am.” And I showed him my phone, and he just kind of laughed and shook his head. In the past, I would have made this mean so many mean things about myself, particularly that I’m not doing it right or that I should be working harder or that this isn’t what a real businessperson does. And now, I just own it.

I love that I can do that. I love that I can just give myself a little more time to be still and to not use as much energy as I used to. The other thing I noticed is that when I don’t take care of myself and when I don’t listen to my body, when I don’t give myself this space and downtime, I really do end up overly tired, and then it affects me long-term. I end up, I call it hibernating.

I go into hibernation for a couple of weeks because my body needs quiet time to just recharge. And if I just listen to my body up front, I would really encourage you to do this because when I do it, I don’t need that time. Sometimes I still need the recharge, but not in the same way that I used to.

The same is true with being sick. I used to always push through and work anyway, thinking I can’t possibly let my clients down. But interestingly, what would happen is, at some point, my body would just no longer give me a choice. Then I would just end up so sick that I would have to take maybe a whole week off instead of a day or two.

So, another way that this can show up, an area that I’ve done a lot of work on as well, is I really learned to work with my personality, with who I am instead of trying to change it and create this voice that sounds like someone else or marketing that looks like someone else.

When it comes to marketing and talking about my business and even here on this podcast, I have just really leaned into this is who I am, this is how I’m going to show up. It doesn’t make sense to show up any differently.

And I’m sure some of you can relate to this because, as I’ve grown my business, I have had the pleasure, of course, of working with one of the best business coaches in the industry, Stacey Boehman. And for those of you that know her and are familiar with her work, I’m sure you’ve noticed she has a big personality.

It is so much bigger than mine and I’m pretty sure she was an acting major in college. And she just talks fast and explains things with lots of flair and dramatic stories. And that’s literally what I love about her. And I have worked with her for a long time and I used to think that in order to be a successful coach and a successful entrepreneur, I had to figure out how to be that way.

And you may have noticed, this is not me. I have really taken some time and spent the time really understanding that I don’t need to be like that to find my people, especially as I scale and really put stuff out there like this podcast in front of a lot more people. I can be calm. I can be a little more quiet. And I can make just as big of an impact.

The same is true for you. Ironically, one of the things you guys email me about the most, which I love you for, thank you so much, is that you love my voice and how calm I am and easy I am to listen to. So funny, because before I started my podcast, literally my biggest fear wasn’t the content. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I was doing. But it was that my voice is awful.

And of course, today I’m laughing as I say this because I am a little horse. I told you, I haven’t been feeling great. I apologize, if you can hear that. But it’s just really funny because it’s the thing I get the most feedback on and it’s the thing I was the most scared about.

So, actually, just being me, using my real voice, being calm is what you guys love and I love you for that. And I’m so grateful that you tell me that. But what this really comes down to is there’s just really never a right way to be, except to just be yourself. That is the right way. It is the way people will resonate with. And there are always going to be people out there that don’t like you no matter what, so you might as well just take the path of least resistance, which is just being you.

Speaking of resistance, that is really what all of this is about. It’s like examining you, examining how you’re operating, examining how you show up as a coach. How much time are you spending being in resistance of who you just are naturally. Like, how much time do you resist it and you try to fit into a different idea of who you should be? Whether it comes to thinking you should get up at 5am, or have a more boisterous personality, or whatever it is, how much time are you spending? That is all a waste of time. Stop it today. Done. No more. Make me a promise.

Okay, so I do want to add one huge caveat to this whole thing. What I’m talking about today is very different than using any of these things, the examples that I gave you, I’m not using them as an excuse to not get things done.

So, for example, when I talk about making my schedule work for me, I still get all of my work done. I still schedule it in. I still follow my schedule. I just organize it in a way that works best for me.

Or, for example, this week I had to reschedule a couple of things because I wasn’t feeling well on Monday. And I really needed to listen to my body and just kind of have some downtime. That’s fine. But I always reschedule the things.

So, I’m not saying just go do you, work one hour a day because that’s what works best for you. That’s not what I’m saying. You have to get the work done You have to put the time in. And right now, some of you might be wondering, but what if I really want to learn to be the person that gets up at 5am, just as an example?

That’s super-different. Of course, anyone can learn to do that. Of course, you can coach your mind or you can get coached to do it, to change your patterns, to make a different schedule work for you. That’s totally different.

What I’m saying is don’t decide to be that person or want to be that person just because maybe you read a book that said so, but then spend so much time fighting against it. That’s the part that doesn’t make sense. It just uses up way more of your energy than you want. You want to put all that energy towards being the best coach for your clients.

So, coaching is all about learning how to make your brain work for you, or your clients’ brains work for them. This is what we do as coaches. We do it with ourselves. We do it with our clients. So, you go first. Start with yourself. Examine all of these things for yourself. Here’s some questions you can use to ask yourself.

One, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? I love this question because sometimes the truth, the honest answer is rest. And sometimes, it’s work late and get the thing done. So, if you’re really honest with yourself when answering these questions, you’re really going to find it’s not always going to be the same answer. Sometimes it is work more, sometimes it’s work less.

Number two, what is the most loving thing I can do for my client right now? So, for example, sometimes the most loving thing is going to be to keep that client call and to do it because you could really show up and be a great coach for them.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for your client is take that hour off and rest because it makes you a better coach. So again, you just have to be honest with yourself.

Number three, how can I honor how I’m feeling today? And this might be physically or emotionally. Number four, why am I fighting so hard against this or resisting where I am? I love that question. Number five, what if this is perfect and, or, what if nothing has gone wrong?

Number six, what would I say to my best friend about this? I ask myself this all the time. It’s a really good question. Number seven, how could I make this easier or more simple? Also a really good question. And then one thing I really want to end with, since I am here to make you a better coach and to help you be better for your clients, is juts notice any time you’re thinking that your client should be doing something because it’s the way you do it, or that there is a right way.

So, for example, when I mentioned I worked with a coach on my scheduling, she never tried to convince me that there was a perfect way to schedule my day. She worked with me and helped me figure out what was going to work for me. And then I did a lot of work on that, on my own too. But just think of that for your clients.

Are there ever times that you’re thinking, “Oh no, I know the better way. You should be doing it this way or you shouldn’t be doing it that way,” or you just have strong opinions? Just check in with that. Notice it. and it might not actually be true.

You might love to get up at 5am. Your clients might not. And that’s okay. You might love to get up at 10am and your clients might like to get up at four. That’s fine too. This is all just about making it work for you, helping your clients find what works for them.

Alright, friends, that is all for today. I hope you have a lovely week and I will see you back here next Tuesday. Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. See you next week.